summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
