dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
