I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
