I will die if light touches me.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
