Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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