Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.