I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out