This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit