they're staring at me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.