so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
