did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog