I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to