WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
smell my finger.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS