Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
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I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.