Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
