if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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