no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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