i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
