his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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