there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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