I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
