walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
