I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
