He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
