awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
