my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
