He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
