I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
