Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
