I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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