I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
