My underwear smells like fireworks.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
