Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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