I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
