I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
