After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He did a backflip because drugs
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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