my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i believe in u and ur pee
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
