Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
