Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
