I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize