She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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