In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
