we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
