did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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