I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
