that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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