if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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