Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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