God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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