so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
