When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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