you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize