If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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