I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
