im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
