I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
