you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Shame - the story of my life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
