Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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