Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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