I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
