Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
