maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize