and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Actions speak louder than pants.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
