Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
