If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
