Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
