u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
