oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
