Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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