did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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