Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
